When Nicola Coulard thinks of her father, the picture she paints in her mind is a composite of the way others have described him.
Nice. Funny. Sweet. Caring.
Looking at family photos, the 24-year-old wishes she had the chance to get to know him.
She was just two years old when her father, Jonathan Cowlard, committed suicide in 2002.
The new father was only 38 years old and had been suffering from the debilitating effects of depression and addiction since he was a teenager.
Now his daughter is speaking out to raise awareness of men’s mental health and highlight what life was like after losing him at a young age.
“It was hard growing up without a dad,” Nicola, from Pymble, NSW, told news.com.au.
“It affects every aspect of your life. I remember at school there was a father-daughter dance, and obviously I couldn’t have that experience.
“I realized that I would never allow my father to accompany me on the path to marriage. And my future children would never be able to meet their grandfather.
“I’ll have to explain that to them. When I make new friends, the usual topic of conversation is family.
“So it always comes back one way or another.”
Nicola remembers being told as a child that her father He ended his lifeBut she didn’t realize the extent of what had happened until she grew older.
The tragedy of what happened led her to work in the mental health field, where she now helps others who may be struggling with mental health issues.
She reflected on how two words in her father’s suicide note sparked her desire to raise awareness about mental health for men in particular.
“I don’t have any direct memories of it because I was so young when it happened,” she said.
“But from what everyone told me, he was really kind and willing to do anything to help anyone. He was really lovable.
“I have forgiven him for what he did. I can’t imagine how you could get to this point where you want to end your life. amount of pain It must be inside.
“In a note he left before he committed suicide, he said, ‘I am weak.’ That broke my heart.
“It shows how men feel like they can’t speak up and I think that’s still the case.
“Through the work I do, I feel like I’m making him proud. It’s a way to honor him.”
She said the one thing she wanted people, especially men, to know was “not to be weak-willed.”
“There is a stigma that men who talk about their feelings are weak,” she said.
“The message is to get tougher, eat some concrete. But that’s very dangerous.
“We need a complete overhaul of how we deal with mental health. Children are falling through the cracks.
“Teachers are not adequately educated to spot the signs that someone might be considering taking their own life. We need early intervention.
“Waiting times to see a psychiatrist these days can be six to twelve months. That can be the difference between life and death for some people.”
harmful gender stereotypes
Jonathan’s death came after a long and difficult struggle with his mental health.
His mother, Riri Bridges, 80, and his sister, Jacqui Richardson, 62, recall how he repeatedly tried to call for help as he struggled.
Unfortunately, they say harmful gender stereotypes and a lack of support for men’s mental health at the time played a pivotal role in preventing Jonathan from getting the help that might have saved his life.
“Mental health was never discussed, especially men’s mental health,” his mother, Ryrie, told news.com.au.
“In fact, I was completely shocked when I discovered that depression was mental health problem.
Men in particular were asked to pull themselves together, count their blessings, and get on with their lives.
Depression was seen as a weakness. Jonathan turned to illegal drugs to ease his pain.
“Despite the signs that he needed help, it wasn’t available. GPs generally couldn’t spot signs of depression in a young man who couldn’t express himself, and they didn’t diagnose him at all.”
Reiri recalled her grief upon hearing the news of her son’s death, adding that even 24 years later, the grief is the same as it was the day it happened.
“I was in disbelief when he died. I thought it couldn’t be real,” she said.
“I felt relieved that his suffering was over, and then I felt guilty about that relief.
“I was terrified when I had to identify my son’s body. It was hard for me to accept that my son was now just a ‘corpse’.
“While the intense grief diminishes over time, the grief over my son’s death by suicide will never leave me.
“If only we could convince him that depression is not a weakness, and that seeking solace in drugs and alcohol is not a weakness.”
His sister Jackie said she wants to see more education about mental health from an early age.
“Early intervention is key,” she told news.com.au.
“Educating mental health in schools would give kids the tools to start talking about these feelings.
“Start in elementary school and continue through high school when mental health emerges.
“Men’s health should be provided by people who understand men’s issues and the culture of being a man and who uphold the dignity of being male and vulnerable.
“Men need to have a choice about who they feel most comfortable talking to, and they should be able to access interventions from men’s health organizations.”
She added that the pain Losing someone to suicide It lasts long after the person is gone.
“Don’t lose hope, talk to someone,” she said.
“The pain ends for you when you commit suicide, but it lives forever in the hearts of the people you love and who love you.
“Pain lives in the DNA of those who follow it. Pain spans generations.”
Alarming statistics
Even though it has been 24 years since his suicide, it seems that not much has changed.
A world-first report from the Movember Institute for Men’s Health has revealed that the leading cause of death among men aged 15 to 44 in Australia is suicide, with men three times more likely to take their own lives than women.
the The Real Faces of Men’s Health Half of Australian men think it’s normal to skip regular check-ups and nearly a third feel confused or overwhelmed by current health information, a report has found.
Nearly two in three people encounter harmful gender stereotypes in their interactions with the health system, such as the expectation that men should “put up with it.”
“Seeking help is unfamiliar and scary for many men in Australia, which is why many men put it off.” Movember Men’s Health Institute The director of the institute, Professor Simon Rice, explained:
“When men ask for help, they often feel rejected and unsatisfied.
“The result? Undiagnosed and untreated cases, worse health outcomes, and more men dying at a young age — largely from preventable causes.
“Our health care system, which is supposed to support boys and men, is failing, and this places enormous pressure on the families and communities that care for men in poor health.
“It is critical that primary health care is designed to meet the unique needs of all genders and that health care professionals receive training in gender-responsive health care, ensuring equitable health outcomes for all.”
The Movember campaign calls on Australians to support men’s health by: Sign this petition The government must mobilize for change.
